Resolutionary Rosey!

Just after Christmas a few of us met for a drink at The Bike. For once Rosey turned up on time – our time that is, not hers!

We told her to be there at seven although we actually didn’t intend getting there until eight, and she was duly sitting there when we arrived!‘

You are late!’ she shrilled. We just gave each other a knowing smile.

She had in fact been there twenty minutes and whilst waiting she’d accepted a chardonnay or two from a couple of locals. Actually, she was a little wobbly and when she came to meet us and she had forgotten she was sitting on a high stool rather than a low chair. Consequently, she almost fell flat on her face!

‘Bugga’ she said‘Rosey’ said I.

‘What’ said Rosey‘

I wish you wouldn’t use such un-ladylike expletives’ said I

‘Sowwie’ said Rosey resting her chin on her finger and putting on her well-practised innocent-little-girl expression.

Anyway, we talked about this and that and then suddenly, with a flourish deserving of a thespian, she produced a crumpled piece of paper from her overstuffed suitcase-sized handbag.

‘These’ she proclaimed ‘are my New Year resolutions’

When the laughter calmed down we realised she was serious. She read somewhere that a good way to help yourself stick to your resolutions is to write them down, show them to your friends and get them to witness your promises with their signatures. We commented that for once she seemed really organised, and with that, she pointed to resolution one – be more organised!

Unfortunately, she forgot to bring a pen!

Number two was always on time, three drink less, four be less clumsy, and five stop swearing. We borrowed a writing implement from the bartender and each made a scribble which more or less represented our signature – Amanda drew a cross !I

It then occurred to us that she’d broken each and every one of them in the hour or so we’d been there, so how she was going to manage in the new year we couldn’t imagine!


We went to the Bulls Head to see in the New Year. Four of us were sat around a little round table right by the log fire. Rosey was late. Fashionably late she called it when she arrived.She drank a little more than usual, knocked over my pint and cursed quietly hoping not to be heard.’

Resolutions Rosey?’ I said

‘It’s not midnight yet!’ she giggled

‘It is now’ I said as Big Ben chimed in 2009.

Everybody wanted to give Rosey a kiss, so she decided to work her way around the pub employing a logical and organised route.

It went wrong. Some got three kisses, some none! Resolution one off to a rocky start!

She barged her way from person to person completely unaware that beer and wine was sploshing everywhere in her wake.

So much for resolution four.

Number three had gone straight out of the window, but then everyone was having a little too much to drink tonight.

Resolution two was no problem, although it could be argued that she was a little late offering to buy a round of drinks!‘

So that’s four of your resolutions broken Rosey’ I laughed.
‘Just number five to go’

‘Oh ****** the revolutions’ she yelled ‘who’s round is it?’